“I like love,” James said.
Alice looked surprised. She lowered her drink and did her best to make her thinking look like she was just clearing her throat.
“What?”
“I was just thinking about it, that’s all. I like love.”
“Alright. What exactly do you like about it?”
“Love is… Well, it’s wonderful. I think what I like about it most is how it makes people look. You ever talk to someone about what they love? They get that smile, that sparkle in their eyes. It’s infectious.”
“I guess.” She took a sip of wine. “Love’s complicated. I’ve never had much success in it because of exes.”
“Isn’t there supposed to be a taboo about talking exes on a first date?” James asked.
“There is. I think it went out the window the minute you started talking about love on a first date.” Alice smiled. “Although, I think we can get around it by not talking about specific exes. Everyone has them, right?”
“That’s fair. Alright, since we’re no longer playing by the rules, let’s talk exes. I think exes are a good example of love.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Attachment to an ex shows the power of love.”
“Not always. Sometimes we’re hung up on the memory of an ex because of how much of an asshole they are. Nothing special about that. That is what’s so annoying about love, as much as you think it’s to love’s credit. I wish it were easy to kill. The fact it lingers so gets annoying.”
“There was a musical about something like that.” He gestured with his drink, and missed the raised eyebrow the gesture summoned. “A god of love and a god of death have a bet about who’s stronger. My high school did it.”
“That honestly sounds like the plot of half of the musicals I’ve heard of?”
“Really?”
“No. I was just looking for a reason to be dismissive.” She sighed. “Maybe these topics are taboo for a reason.”
“Maybe. I’m sorry if it killed the vibe a little.”
“Because talking about model planes was just getting interesting.”
“Ouch.”
“It’s true.”
“Well, I suppose honesty’s a virtue.”
“There you go again.”
“What?”
“All this high-minded bullshit you’re on about. It’s stimulating, sure, but I can’t say that I…”
“You were going to say ‘love,’ weren’t you?”
Alice rolled her eyes but laughed.
“Shut up.”
“Alright. But if you think the airplanes were getting boring, I don’t know how you’ll find my silence.”
“Relaxing, hopefully.”
“Another one.”
“I’m sorry. Just a lot on my mind, I guess.”
“Exes and love?”
“Something like that.”
“I could leave if that’d help. If my silence is relaxing my absence must be blissful.”
“No, no. That’s call sticking me with the bill. Also a taboo on a first date, I think.”
“Who decided all these rules?”
“Society.” Alice wiggled her fingers in the air to prove her point. “I thought you’d appreciate that.”
“I did, and I do. But was it just like one guy…”
“…or girl…”
“…or girl who one day was like ‘Alright, you should pay.’”
“It probably has something to do with the patriarchy.”
“Now who’s getting high-minded?”
“I think that’s fairly mainstream these days!”
“No, you’re right. So we can blame the patriarchy and society. I’m on board. If this date does get somehow even worse…”
Alice’s laughing undercut her scoff.
“…can that be blamed on them?”
“If it gets any worse, yes, we can blame it on the patriarchy and society.”
“It’s a deal.” James looked around the restaurant. “Where’s our food?”
“We didn’t order yet.”
“What?”
“Yeah we just got drinks.”
“Oh. Huh.” He picked up his cocktail. “Have we spent enough time together where we should get food? It’s kind of a big commitment.”
“I guess so. If you’re eating you can’t talk.”
“I mean, I could. But there’s a conflict of interest there.”
“What do you mean?”
“I could eat and talk at the same time but that would be gross and kind of defeat the purpose of trying to impress you, theoretically the goal of a first date.”
“You really have thought this out, haven’t you?”
“I have.”
“And yet, you’re so close to committing another taboo.” Alice smirked. “Can you figure it out?”
“Would it be something to do with asking questions about you.”
“There you are.”
“Alright. Uh… Who’s your favorite poet?”
“Poet? Huh. Haven’t had that one before.”
“Points for being original?”
“Sure, we’ll call it that.” She finished her drink. “Dorothy Parker. Now you know where I get it from?”
“Get what?”
Alice straightened in her chair.
“ ‘By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying—
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.’ ”
James shrunk in his
“Oh…”
“Exactly. You brought up love, and there’s my answer.”
“To be fair, I don’t think I’ve vowed infinite undying passion just yet.”
“Just yet?”
“I mean, obviously I’ve thought about it if we’re in the nature of violating first date taboos.”
“Sure. Go on.”
“Oh? I’m not doing it now.”
“Man, you just keep disappointing me.”
“But here’s the thing: that poem shows so much love!”
“It’s literally against it.”
“Well, romantic love, sure. But you had it right there, that look I was talking about, while you were reciting that poem. Whatever makes you feel that way, I think you have love for that poem. It lets you express how you feel.”
“Are you analyzing me?”
“I guess I’m analyzing your poetry recital?”
“Oh. I didn’t know what this was. I thought it was a date.”
“It’s part of a date?”
“Do all of your dates include poetry recitals?”
“I guess not. Do you usually recite poetry on your dates?”
“I guess not. But you asked me.”
“I guess.” James searched for a waiter. “It is very good at getting the point across, though. I admire it, not that, not that it’s a pleasant feeling. Believe me, I know.”
“Oh, I believe you’ve experienced failing at love, for sure.”
“Ow…”
“Sorry!”
“It’s alright, I guess. I’ll survive.”
“You have before.”
“True at that.” James looked down at his empty drink. “So was that a ‘yes’ to food then?”
“I’m still hungry.”
“I guess neither the patriarchy nor society nor love can stop a good appetite.”
“Not in my experience. You usually have to be full to have principles.”
“Fair enough.” James looked around for a server and found none. “Who was our server again?”
“Eileen?”
“Maybe. Where is she?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can we blame service if this keeps going poorly?”
“I don’t know. I can’t say it’s going too poorly.”
“Really?”
“Don’t get too excited. There’s plenty of night left even if we haven’t ordered.”
“But do you still want to order?”
“You’re paying?”
“I guess.”
“Then sure.”
“Alright.”
James made eye-contact with a server and waved.