“Above all, no matter how many times you get hit, can you get back up? Because when Spider-Man is on the floor… when you think you’ve given your all… when you think you can’t keep going… Spider-Man always gets up.”
- Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Well, it’s already July and I do not know how that happened. That means the year’s half over, we’re just about two months to my birthday, tack on even a few more for Halloween (need to make a costume), and then Thanksgiving and Christmas and then it’s 2023. We made it, guys. I feel like I’m at the crux of that plankton meme from Spongebob, something to the effect of I never thought I’d make it this far. Which is kind of ridiculous, sure, but it’s also kind of… not?
When the year began I discussed the theme of consolidation, that I had been settled into where I was for some time and that this year was about strengthening the gains I’ve made. It was an attempt, in part, to resist the urges that drive me on to do… things. All kinds of things really. What exactly that meant at the time I wasn’t even sure I knew the answer to, but it had a lot to do with settling the feeling of having settled. I don’t know that that feeling ever really went away, because in committing to a year of solidifying what I had, I had to fight a little of what makes me, me. It was as much a personal growth challenge as anything else, a commitment to finding a more permanent state of satisfaction in a life.
Well, here we are.
In terms of writing I wound up committing more to a plan of rapid expansion as the release of the second round of Freedom and Control books has gone smoother and editing of 2021’s NaNo project has slowed. My new fantasy book has hit almost ninety-thousand words since I last discussed it, I think it was near twenty-five at the start of the year? I’m doing a quasi Camp NaNo this July, which means that by year’s end I’ll have three new manuscripts done if everything goes according to plan. That’s anything but consolidation, but then writing is one area where I don’t think I could have stayed the course even if I wanted to. I have had a short story published in this time! By the end of the year I hope to be querying. So that’s going to plan.
In terms of travel basically every plan I had near the beginning of the year imploded for the recurring waves of COVID. Neither New Mexico or Virginia panned out. Subsequent trips have also rippled through the difficulty in planning long journeys during rising inflation and job shortages across all industries. I recently returned from an overnight to Providence which was illuminating for reminding me how much I missed hotels and restaurants and cities and culture apart from the day to day routines. With August and September looking hopeful for travel, and I say hopefully because I really am, we’re looking for something of a reset there. My birthday and a return to a part of the country I adore- what more could I ask for? I really do love traveling, I imagine that’s why I wrote a book about it.
As subset of travel has been an absolute explosion of concerts! I didn’t know I liked concerts this much, holy hell. Also if you told me a year ago that I’d be so into Halestorm and The Pretty Reckless I don’t know if I would have believed you. I find it surprising even now. I’m seeing them back to back two weeks in a row and I don’t even regret it. One of them I’ll bring my good camera to, hopefully setting up another great concert photo. We’ll see. I’m psyched for that.
Work has been the most surprising thing in this time. There are developments ahead which foretell of increased responsibility and dedication required, both things I expected and desired for the year but not in the way they’ve arisen. The expansion of my knowledge base has been the most refreshing thing, wide advances in bartending (oh look I won an award for that!), steeper yet learning curve for managerial aspects, and adaptation to what has been overall a somewhat slim season have all provided new perspectives on what remains an ever evolving industry. In that time I’ve also had the opportunity to drink some fantastic wine, continue crafting and playing with ever-changing cocktails, and lean in a little more to the imposter syndrome that seems to haunt me forever.
I think it’s when you stop learning, or trying to learn, that you really give up. Mistakes are part of learning, and even if the goal is a perfect life, a perfect night, a perfect service, we must make, if not allowances, then space for understanding. The grand message of Spiderverse, right? You get back up.
I need to rewatch that movie.
I also need to blog about my favorite movies! Maybe that’ll be my fall project after this NaNo challenge.
See? I can’t help not planning, trying to grow, evolve, adapt! I don’t know what that is. Consolidation is a fine enough goal, and there’s plenty of work done into it here. I recently posted some pictures of plants on my personal Instagram, the herbs I grow on my deck. They’re a small thing, sure. I like having fresh herbs for the cooking I do, when I find the time to cook these days (I was telling one of my best friends the other day that the thing I forget to do more often than not is eat). The little caption with it summarizes at least a little the energy I’ve been trying to adopt in between the writing, the wine, and the planning of trips. In between the heartache, imposter syndrome, and anxiety about money and time as well. The breaths between the moments of life that lift us and drive us down.
That we are confident enough in our future to let other living things take root speaks volumes about the human capacity for hope.